everywhere a bus

I've touched lightly on traveling via the buses here in Nicaragua, but since it feels like it has consumed our lives the past week or so, I thought I'd expound on the subject and construct a list of a few non-obligatory but seemingly standard rules that I've recognized for being involved in the bus industry here:


1. Be sure to write in an extra large fancy font on the front windshield of your bus anything about God and how much you love him. Call him "senor" or whatever you like, as long as you have words to show your undying love and affection for him. Bonus: additional signage (icons and visuals are a plus) within the bus so the people inside can be enlightened as well.

2. Turn on any type of music you please at any level of volume you would like. Rap-style spanish preferred, but polka-like spanish is also accepted.

3. Hire a fellow bus-worker to hang out the open door while the bus is in motion to tout your bus route and yell the name of your destination in rhythmic style out the window over and over to any and every person who is standing on the street. (Our favorite: Masaya! Masaya! Accent on the final "a") Because clearly every passing person is a potentially additional passenger, which equals potentially additional money for you.

3a. Side note: This guy must be very agile and quick in order to jump off and on the bus repeatedly and to squeeze down the aisle between mushed bodies to collect the bus fares from everyone when the bus is packed.

3b. Side note #2: These guys actually help us when we get anywhere because they always ask where you are heading and then guide you to where you need to be. I like them, actually. I confess.

4. When you stop for gas, don't bother turning off the engine. Not dangerous at all. (apparently?)

5. Be nervous, because there is a lot of competition. I'm talking hundreds (more or less) of buses everywhere, everyday. Really quite amazing. And they are all full.

6. Offer your services to those who live along your travel route - you can quite easily pick up a packed lunch from someone along the way to be dropped off to their distant cousin who lives 10 blocks down.

6a. Along these lines, try to work on the travel route of where your family lives. Then they can hand you your very own packed lunch as you drive past.

7. Ignore the mass of vendors who walk the aisle of your bus selling things: food, DVD's, watches, batteries, drinks, etc and etc. They will be persistent to those on board, returning repeatedly and standing in front of them, repeating their product's name over and over. And over. So much so that they start to think they want to buy it. But they will exit your moving vehicle once you start to drive. They always manage to find their way back to their stall in the market.


That's all you need to know here! You're welcome for the advice.